breaking

No one can be free of everything. If you are free from Satan, you are bound to God. If you are addicted to smoking, you could be free from coffee. Everybody has bad habbits.

I have had alot of time to self reflect this past week because there wasn't much to do at work since my boss was away, and I just got back so experiments were not fully up and running yet. And looking into the mirror of my mind and soul, I found it wasn't the model answer I was hoping for.

1 Cor 13:11-13
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, argued like a child; now that I have become a man, I have finished with childish ways.
12 For now we see obscurely in a mirror, but then it will be face to face. Now I know partly; then I will know fully, just as God has fully known me.
13 But for now, three things last — trust, hope, love; and the greatest of these is love.
CJB

There are things that in the past seemed right, but are actually wrong. There are things that were great in the past, but is now lagging. I wished I had done such and such, acted in a certain way, took a certain path, gave a particular answer. But the past is gone. The only respite I have is to label it as infant years, times bygone when I didnt know better. But now I do and now I should change.

But I promise you that I would say the same thing one year from now. Been there done that. Am I still a child? Why am I arguing with myself now like a child. I can't even tell myself to stop habits, or pick up beneficial activities. Why is my life still chained when i hold the key?

I can't trust myself. I dare not hope, and how could I love such a scoundrel?
Yet the greatest is love. Not mine, but God's. He loved me first. And this is where my argument breaks down. If God can love me, how can I not love myself? Are my standards higher than God's such that I reject myself on the basis that it doesn't meet up with my standards? If so I am saying that I am greater then God, and that's blasphemy. Its a baseless circular argument but you get the point.

And that is why these things last. Because they are the foundation, because everytime I fall and hit the floor, I'm lying flat on that foundation of love. And no matter how hard I fall, God's love will pick me up and make me whole again.