flowerpot

Gen 18:5

And I will bring a morsel (mouthful) of bread to refresh and sustain your hearts before you go on further — for that is why you have come to your servant. And they replied, Do as you have said.

AMP

Even where I am now, barely out of school, and I’ve been studying for more than 20 years of my 28 years now, I’m thinking about retirement. I’m daydreaming of lemonade on idyllic warm beaches and walking through old cobblestone towns. The weariness of the world gets to you at some point or another. All this hustle and bustle, scurrying around like ants in a sugarpot. Quarter life crisis maybe?

In the past few months, I have realized that I am really weaker than I thought I was. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Physically because I tire so easily after just a short walk, mentally because even when I sleep, I am dreaming of next day’s work at the lab (and the next day at the lab, I go ‘déjà vu’), emotionally because everyone I hold dear is far away, sometimes it’s really depressing when all you come back to is your 9 square meters of room. Some days I get up at 8, work from 9 am to 10 at night, hardly a word to anybody in the 45-person strong department, back for a late supper, and snoring just as my head hits the pillow. That’s totally crap.

I realized there was little time for devotion with God. I’m slowly slipping backwards. There isn’t a strong local church to be accountable to. I’m starting to feel like a flowerpot Christian, just sitting around, but no roots growing into the ground. Well, the excuse is I only know one person in the whole church; ok, make that two: the pastor who preaches and the pastor’s assistant whom I talked to once. They are a ‘ok’ church, but cater for the local language, leaving me to languish. And because there isn’t any deep roots, I don’t get to the waters, and there’s only so much one can get from a tiny pot of dirt.

Being a discontented flowerpot won’t do anyone any good. Mum tells me that I got to remember the ultimate source and feed myself. She asks me if being a Christian is dependent on attending a good church, or having friends, or having it all easy, a nice bible steak served on a silver platter. I answer no, Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship I have with God. But I am reminded that a cross is made of two beams, and just having one upright stick, no matter how you look at it, will not form a cross.

Maybe I am just a spiritual juvenile, I need to grow up. Or maybe I’m starving to be fed some bread.

That is why I’m joining a young man and his wife as they try to establish the 3^rd English speaking church in Stockholm come September 2009. I realize I’m not as excited as I should be over this project but its hard to grow roots into this one when all the flowerbeds in town had been a letdown.